A sanctum for erotic truth
and becoming…
Where desire is not tamed or pathologized, but listened to. Where intimacy becomes a creative force. Where relationship is no longer a performance, but a living inquiry.
Jouissance Sanctum is an academy and community devoted to exploring relational and erotic life beyond inherited norms. A place for those who are curious about, navigating, or already living alternative relationship structures and who sense that something more honest, alive, and expansive is possible.
This is a space for tools, teachings, and shared exploration that support
critical self-reflection, erotic intelligence, and authentic self-expression.
For those willing to question binaries, loosen scripts, and consciously
create a life — and relationships — that feel deeply aligned with who
they are becoming.
A sanctum for erotic truth
and becoming…
Where desire is not tamed or pathologized, but listened to. Where intimacy becomes a creative force. Where relationship is no longer a performance, but a living inquiry.
Jouissance Sanctum is an academy and community devoted to exploring relational and erotic life beyond inherited norms. A place for those who are curious about, navigating, or already living alternative relationship structures and who sense that something more honest, alive, and expansive is possible.
This is a space for tools, teachings, and shared exploration that support critical self-reflection, erotic intelligence, and authentic self-expression. For those willing to question binaries, loosen scripts, and consciously create a life — and relationships — that feel deeply aligned with who they are becoming.
A THRESHOLD
I create a space where intimacy, desire, and relationship are explored with honesty, curiosity, and depth — inviting you to move beyond inherited scripts and into a more conscious, creative, and authentic expression of who you are becoming.
Dr. Shari Derksen
Meet Dr. Shari Derksen
I’m Dr. Shari Derksen,
creator of Jouissance Sanctum
An academy and gathering place devoted to erotic truth, relational imagination, and authentic becoming beyond inherited norms.
My work emerges from decades of study, inquiry, and lived experience exploring intimacy, desire, and alternative ways of relating. I hold a PhD in Human Sexuality from the California Institute of Integral Studies, along with graduate training in counseling psychology and a foundation in psychological science. These studies inform my thinking, but Jouissance Sanctum is not a clinical practice — it is a space for exploration, learning, and creative self-authorship.
Jouissance Sanctum exists for those who feel the quiet friction of norms that no longer fit. For those drawn toward consensual nonmonogamy, erotic freedom, kink, and alternative relational expressions — and who sense that moving beyond tradition requires more than rules or rebellion. It requires depth, reflection, imagination, and a willingness to listen to the body, desire, and inner knowing.
Alongside formal training, I bring lived experience. I have spent over two decades in a committed partnership, navigating consensual nonmonogamy with intention, care, and ongoing inquiry. This lived reality grounds my work in humility and respect for the complexity, beauty, and challenge of long-term relational evolution. I believe deeply that relationships can be sites of ecstatic intimacy, creative expression, and mutual becoming — places where love and freedom do not compete, but expand one another. Jouissance Sanctum is an invitation into that exploration.
Feeling stuck?
When the life you’re living no longer feels like enough
There is often a moment — sometimes quiet, sometimes unmistakable — when you sense that the life you’re inhabiting no longer matches who you are becoming. Not because it is wrong, but because it has become too small for the questions, desires, and imagination now stirring within you.
From the outside, everything may appear intact. You’ve built a life. You’ve made commitments. You’ve learned how to function within the structures you were given. And yet, beneath the surface, there is a restlessness. A dull ache. A knowing that you are performing a version of yourself shaped by expectation rather than inner truth.
This is not failure. It is not dysfunction. It is the call of something deeper — an invitation to listen more closely to desire, to question inherited scripts, and to explore what becomes possible when you stop living by default and begin living deliberately.
Feeling stuck?
When the life you’re living no longer feels like enough
There is often a moment — sometimes quiet, sometimes unmistakable — when you sense that the life you’re inhabiting no longer matches who you are becoming. Not because it is wrong, but because it has become too small for the questions, desires, and imagination now stirring within you.
From the outside, everything may appear intact. You’ve built a life. You’ve made commitments. You’ve learned how to function within the structures you were given. And yet, beneath the surface, there is a restlessness. A dull ache. A knowing that you are performing a version of yourself shaped by expectation rather than inner truth.
This is not failure. It is not dysfunction. It is the call of something deeper — an invitation to listen more closely to desire, to question inherited scripts, and to explore what becomes possible when you stop living by default and begin living deliberately.
You might find yourself wondering why intimacy feels distant or mechanical.
Why desire feels muted, tangled, or difficult to name.
Why conversations hover at the surface while deeper longings remain unspoken.
Why you can feel alone even while partnered — or constrained by scripts you never consciously chose, but somehow inherited.
Many people arrive here and assume something is wrong with them — that this is simply what long-term relationship, adulthood, or commitment becomes. So they adapt. They perform. They quiet parts of themselves to keep the structure intact.
But what if what you’re feeling is not a failure — but a signal?
A signal inviting you to listen more closely to what is stirring beneath habit and expectation.
To explore what has gone unspoken.
To question the stories you’ve absorbed about love, monogamy, desire, and who you’re allowed to be within them.
This work is not about fixing yourself or your relationships.
It is about creating the conditions for truth to emerge — deliberately, creatively, and without apology — so something more alive, honest, and aligned can take shape.
Erotic Intelligence & Inquiry
This work draws on deep study of intimacy, desire, and human sexuality — not to prescribe answers, but to cultivate discernment. Jouissance Sanctum offers frameworks and questions that help you listen to desire as a source of knowledge, not something to manage or suppress.
Attuned, Self-Directed Exploration
There is no single path here. Each person and relationship moves at its own rhythm. You are invited to explore honestly — guided by curiosity, reflection, and inner authority — rather than external rules, norms, or expectations.
Becoming, Not Fixing
This is not about improvement or optimization. It is about becoming more fully yourself — relationally, erotically, imaginatively. Over time, this kind of inquiry reshapes how you relate to yourself, others, and the life you are actively creating.
AN INVITATION
Each person carries a unique constellation of desires, histories, and
relational longings — often buried beneath expectation, obligation, or
silence — waiting to be recognized, claimed, and lived as a more
deliberate expression of who they are becoming.
Each person carries a unique constellation of desires, histories, and relational longings — often buried beneath expectation, obligation, or silence — waiting to be recognized, claimed, and lived as a more deliberate expression of who they are becoming.
What Do We Mean by Jouissance Sanctum?
Jouissance refers to a state of deep, embodied aliveness — a kind of bliss or erotic vitality that emerges when we live beyond imposed limits and inherited scripts. It arises through honest engagement with desire, imagination, emotion, and relational truth, and through the courage to create meaning rather than inherit it.
Here, jouissance is not used in a Lacanian sense. It is not about suffering, excess, or rupture. It is about expansion — the felt experience of vitality, pleasure, and creative energy that comes from inhabiting your life and relationships with self-trust, awareness, and intention.
Sanctum speaks to an inner and collective space set apart from performance and coercion — a place of pause, inquiry, and depth. Together, Jouissance Sanctum names a space for exploration where truth can be spoken, curiosity can unfold, and relationships can evolve through conscious choice rather than fear, obligation, or fragmentation.
What Do We Mean by Jouissance Sanctum?
Jouissance refers to a state of deep, embodied aliveness — a kind of bliss or erotic vitality that emerges when we live beyond imposed limits and inherited scripts. It arises through honest engagement with desire, imagination, emotion, and relational truth, and through the courage to create meaning rather than inherit it.
Here, jouissance is not used in a Lacanian sense. It is not about suffering, excess, or rupture. It is about expansion — the felt experience of vitality, pleasure, and creative energy that comes from inhabiting your life and relationships with self-trust, awareness, and intention.
Sanctum speaks to an inner and collective space set apart from performance and coercion — a place of pause, inquiry, and depth. Together, Jouissance Sanctum names a space for exploration where truth can be spoken, curiosity can unfold, and relationships can evolve through conscious choice rather than fear, obligation, or fragmentation.
I was "failing" at monogamy. I cried when I first learned that there's another way. Polyamory allows me to express my bisexuality and erotic desires with integrity, support, and deep intimacy
I was "failing" at monogamy. I cried when I first learned that there's another way. Polyamory allows me to express my bisexuality and erotic desires with integrity,
support, and deep intimacy
A.S., 39
My Approach
I believe transformation begins when we dare to listen to desire, question inherited truths, and live into what is asking to emerge.
Many people arrive at this threshold believing something is wrong with them or their relationships — when in fact they are responding to lives that have grown misaligned with their inner knowing. What is often named dissatisfaction, boredom, or restlessness is not a flaw to correct, but a signal that deeper questions are insisting on attention.
This work is not about improvement or repair. It is about slowing down enough to hear what has been muted, overlooked, or postponed — emotionally, erotically, and relationally. From that listening, new meaning can be created. Not by default or obligation, but through conscious choice, imagination, and authorship.
Erotic Intelligence & Discernment
My work is informed by advanced training in psychology, sex therapy, and human sexuality, offering a grounded, ethical foundation for exploring intimacy, desire, and relationship with care and discernment.
Self-Directed, Relational Inquiry
There is no prescribed path here. Each person and relationship unfolds differently. This work invites you to examine patterns, question scripts, and explore alternatives through reflection, dialogue, and lived experimentation — guided by inner authority rather than external norms.
Becoming as a Living Practice
Rather than aiming for outcomes, this approach honors becoming as an ongoing process. Over time, sustained inquiry reshapes how you relate to yourself, others, and the life you are actively creating — cultivating greater honesty, depth, erotic aliveness, and coherence.
Free Download
How to Talk About Open Monogamy — Without Causing a Fight
A gentle, therapist-created guide to help you start calm, honest, and loving conversations about open monogamy — without triggering fear, shame, or defensiveness.
A Different Path Forward
Join The Jouissance Sanctum Guide to Blissful Open Monogamy — a grounded, compassionate introduction to having honest, calm, and emotionally safe conversations about expanding your relationship beyond traditional monogamy, without pressure, urgency, or harm.
Join The Jouissance Sanctum Guide to Blissful Open Monogamy — a grounded, compassionate
introduction to having honest, calm, and emotionally safe conversations about expanding your
relationship beyond traditional monogamy, without pressure, urgency, or harm.
introducing
A Step-by-Step Journey - The Bird Cage Framework
Each module is crafted to guide you gently through reflection, communication, and exploration. You'll move from internal clarity → relational connection → confident, ethical exploration.
Each module is crafted to guide you gently through reflection, communication, and exploration.
You'll move from internal clarity → relational connection → confident, ethical exploration.
Therapist Designed Framework
A therapist-designed framework to help you understand why monogamy feels constraining, where your desires come from, and how to build emotional safety before any exploration begins.
You’ll explore the roots of your relationship conditioning, clarify motivations, and create a grounded foundation for honest, non-reactive communication.
10 Step-By-Step Modules
10 Step-By-Step
Modules
A structured journey guiding you through boundaries, agreements, pacing, jealousy, communication, and conscious exploration — without losing trust or emotional connection.
Each module builds clarity, confidence, and relational skill so exploration happens with intention rather than fear or impulse.
Long-Term Support and Bonuses
Long-Term Support
and Bonuses
Tools and practices for sustaining connection as you move forward — including emotional regulation, navigating dating, avoiding common pitfalls, and protecting what matters most.
Includes bonuses such as the Consensual Nonmonogamy Glossary and private community access to support integration beyond the course.
We both came from traditional marriages and wanted something more. We love an open relationship for the opportunity to exercise our autonomy, to learn more about each other and to enjoy a variety of experiences together. Our connection has deepened as we learn more on how we can support one another
Rob, 56 & Jen, 46
FAQs
Frequently Asked Questions
Who is this guide for?
This guide is for couples and individuals in long-term committed relationships who love their partner but feel curious about open monogamy or consensual nonmonogamy, and want to explore honestly without damaging trust, safety, or emotional connection.
Is this guide pro–nonmonogamy?
No. This guide is not about pushing any relationship structure. It supports clarity, emotional safety, and honest self-inquiry. Some couples deepen monogamy; others explore openness. The goal is truth, not a predetermined outcome.
Do we need to be in crisis to use this guide?
Not at all. Many people begin this work before conflict arises. The guide is designed to help you have calm, grounded conversations early, reducing fear, defensiveness, and misunderstanding before patterns become painful.
What makes this different from other CNM resources?
This guide is therapist-designed and rooted in emotional regulation, attachment awareness, and relational safety. It prioritizes pacing, nervous system care, and integrity—rather than rushing into action or focusing on rules alone.
How is the guide structured?
The guide follows a step-by-step framework with 10 modules. Each module builds on the last, moving from self-understanding and communication to boundaries, exploration, jealousy, and long-term integration—without overwhelming you.
Will this help with jealousy and insecurity?
Yes. Jealousy and insecurity are addressed directly, with tools to understand their roots and regulate emotional responses. The focus is not eliminating feelings, but learning to work with them skillfully and compassionately.
Is this guide suitable for LGBTQIA+ and kink-affirming relationships?
Yes. The guide is explicitly 2SLGBTQIA+, kink-, and CNM-affirming. It honors diverse identities, desires, and relationship configurations, and avoids heteronormative or one-size-fits-all assumptions.
Do we have to go through the guide together as a couple?
The first two modules are structured for self-reflection either individually or together as a couple. It is highly recommended that the remaining modules are completed together as a couple. Your partner finding out that you've been researching and reflecting on consensual nonmonogamy without them may feel like a betrayal to them.
What if my partner is unsure or resistant?
The guide is designed to reduce pressure and fear. It helps you approach conversations with curiosity and care, rather than urgency or persuasion, making it safer for hesitant partners to stay engaged and connected.
Is this a replacement for therapy?
No. The guide is educational and supportive, not therapy. It can complement therapeutic work or help you decide whether additional support would be helpful, especially if strong emotions or past wounds are activated.
Your Privacy And Confidentiality Are Always Respected. You’ll Also Receive Exclusive Insights And Tools On Emotional Safety And Conscious Relationships From Jouissance Sanctum.
Your Privacy And Confidentiality Are Always Respected. You’ll Also Receive Exclusive Insights
And Tools On Emotional Safety And Conscious Relationships From Jouissance Sanctum.
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